Bennie's House of Angst and Muses

Hey

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 05:02:25 GMT

Wow. I can't believe this account is still here and active -- and more to the point, that I remember my password.

Huh.

Anyway, I can't think of anything to say that would explain a long period of neglect, so I'm going to go straight to the reason I'm here: I get it! I know why they do the bash-up-the-car thing!

I mean, we've all seen them, the videos where the wronged woman expresses her, um, disappointment and disapproval in the face of her man's inability to treat her with respect and, well, keep it in his pants. You know the ones ... Carrie Underwood did one that I can't recall the name of at the moment, and Shakira did it in Don't Bother, the Veronicas did it in that one, what was it called, Everything, or something like that. And as much as we all get that it's a woman's way of communicating her feelings in a way her man will actually understand and take to heart, at the same time I'm sure I'm not the only one wincing and thinking "ooh, leaving a little too much evidence for the cops there, babe" ... or something along those lines.

But now I get why it's the car they have to go after: it's a metaphor! It's symbolic in the way that just trashing his apartment (think Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone) just can't convey. Because men's cars, especially nice, shiny, expensive, and, er, *buffed* ones, are metaphors themselves. Of their virility, masculinity, macho-ness ... and their penises. So, by extension, when he cheats on her sexually, the fitting response is a nice metaphorical kick in the metaphorical balls.

Ah. Now I can listen to the songs with a proper appreciation.

Heh.

Oh, and ... hi, y'all. Hope life is good.

:)

Okay, so I was a tad optimistic ...

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 00:30:22 GMT

I finally got through the emails I meant to have done last Friday. Whoops.
But I'm almost caught up. Yay me! Lol ...

Oh, this is just ridiculous!

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 01:15:38 GMT

I just got online for the first time in, well, it's at *least* two weeks because I remember checking that I had enough in my bank account for the start of the month, but after that ... blech. So it was actually kind of exciting to get on and find all the lovely birthday messages waiting for me -- people can be so sweet! Especially people I haven't spoken to in *ages* because of all the RL stuff going on and my enduring moodiness. I'm so unbelievably touched, you have no idea.

Of course, this is where it gets ridiculous. Because I've gone and read through the messages, and started composing replies, and I'm half grinning and half weeping (because oh! people can be so *nice*, and for once I don't mean that sarcastically) and ...

Sigh.

If I'm going to get up in time tomorrow morning, I have to go to bed now. (Well, ten minutes ago.) So I'm going to have to be mature about this (notcallinginsicktomorrowtoplayemailtagnotgoingtocallinsicktomorrowtoplayemailtag), suck it up, and admit that the first possible chunk of time I'm going to have available to do this is probably Friday, what with it being a holiday and all.

So -- people? Yeah, you know who you are. If you emailed me in the last couple weeks, I *swear* that you'll hear from me by the weekend. Come hell or high water or, you know, major religious holidays, I WILL BE ONLINE AND INTERACTIVE! Yeah!

:D

A typical conversation at my mother's house

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 04:17:49 GMT

Me: Mom, I need Ruth's new cell number. Do you know it?

Mom [points to drawer]: It's in The Book.

Me [upon lifting up The Book and wincing at the several loose and scribble-covered pages barely held together by a straining cover and a rubber band]: Um ... where?

Mom [getting impatient]: In The Book! It's alphabetical.

Me [the Information Professional, upon finding an organizational system to make most cataloguers cry]: Oh, I see. Alphabetical by first name and/or relationship. Gotcha.

Mom: [looks sharply in response to perceived slight, but goes back to watching depressing news show]

Me: I can't find it.

Mom [stalks over, snatches The Book in a huff]: It's right ... under "R" ... [silence, followed by triumphant crowing] A-ha! Right here.

Me: That's her old number.

Mom: No, under that.

Me: That's her regular home number. The land line.

Mom: Then this one!

Me: I'm pretty sure that's her office number.

Mom [determinedly]: You didn't let me finish. See the arrow? The new number's on the next page. [She turns page. There are at least five numbers written down, underlined and starred and looking important, albeit without accompanying notation. We both stare in unabashed awe.]

Me: Which one?

Mom [growing increasingly more grim, stabs page with finger]: That one.

Me [pause]: Wait ... that's *my* work number.

[Mom narrows eyes. She is Not Impressed by my tone.]

Me [hastily]: Actually, you know what? I'll just --

[Phone rings. It's Ruth.]

Me: Hey, Ruth. Listen, I'm just going to take this upstairs ...

[I flee shamelessly.]

Sigh.

;D

Just because it makes me laugh ...

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 11:39:29 GMT

Excerpt from interview with Dave Grohl, on Grammy nods (5), American vs. European crowds, and, of course, what it means to be a drummer:

GROHL: [... W]when I'm hanging out with six or seven drummers, it's like they don't consider me one of them, because I'm the singer of the Foo Fighters. There's a whole drummer thing that's like Highlander. When two Highlanders are in the same room with each other, they just know. That's kind of what happens with drummers, but not with me.

I think this is one of those things that either you 'get' -- and fall over laughing -- or make a face and do the Clueles-Amber-"What-EV-uh" thing. Me? Falling over laughing, of course.

:D

Why is it ...

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 18:12:32 GMT

... that drivers apparently "forget" how to drive every year when winter comes? Last night I was the first person at two separate accidents with a cell phone. I've never even called 911 before, and last night I did it twice in the space of an hour! Sigh. And the roads weren't even that bad. What's going to happen when the snow hits for real?

For that matter, I'd like to know why the people at Tim Horton's (whom I love dearly because they agree to make my favoured cucumber-cheddar-lettuce-butter-on-whole-wheat-combo instead of the usual Garden Vegetable sandwich) never quite manage to cut all the way through the sandwich? Don't they understand the mess it makes when the two halves are still connected by a thin bit of bun and end up spilling as you struggle to pull them apart?

Ew, and speaking of fast food places, I'd really like to know why there are people out there who will go to the washroom and then go order their food without washing their hands in between. And now that I think about it, the third woman who was in the washroom at the same time as me did wash her hands, but then used her clean hands to turn off the (icky!)taps before she, too, headed for the service counter. Ew!

Honestly, when people make comments like "Gee, it seems like everyone's getting sick right now! I wonder why?" I get this urge to start giving stern lessons in the proper, hospital-approved way to wash hands.

Heh. Now *that* would be funny. It'd be like the animal rights people spray-painting fur, or protesters chaining themselves to trees, only it'd be anonymous masked strangers armed with gentle antibacterial hand wash, paper towels, signs to leave over sinks, and a real 'tude.

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 16:22:22 GMT

And she's born!

She's breathing on her own, she scored a 7 or 8 Apgar -- there's a little debate, but it's academic, and it's better than anyone dared to hope -- and she's got dark curly-looking hair and she's cute as the proverbial button.

(Mind you, I've never seen a button I would've characterised as "cute", but that's neither here nor there.)

Whew! I can hardly believe it.

She's so *tiny*, though. I can't believe how tiny she is. We don't have the numbers in, but I was given an estimate of just over 4 pounds, which is on track. She's going to be in hospital for a while, but all the medical staff seems to think she's out of the woods. And my sister is doing *much* better herself; apparently the danger is a lot less for the mothers, but there was still some risk for her. But that was before!

Oh! There are so many things to do. I'm going to go get some books on baby names; I feel a little better about teasing them about not having a name yet.

Whoo-hoo!

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 15:49:35 GMT

Pre-eclampsia was diagnosed this morning -- my sister's been under supervision for the past week for an unexplained rise in blood pressure -- and she went in for an emergency c-section 25 minutes ago.

The baby was 32 weeks on Wednesday, which the doctors are telling us is a good thing. Apparently she's well developed and they're cautiously optimistic that, a few weeks in NICU aside, there is only a 2% chance of serious complications.

Only 2%, they said. ("Only" -- why does that suddenly seem so ominous?)

I keep telling myself those are good odds, but to be honest, I'm scared as hell for them both. It probably wasn't a good idea to go searching for a rather explicit website explaining exactly what pre-eclampsia is, but I needed something to do and thought it would be useful. (Hence detouring over here. Those stats are freaking me out, and I'm trying to calm down before going back to the waiting area.)

I wish I could pray, at least. Unfortunately, I try to avoid hypocrisy more than absolutely necessary, and I refuse to be one of those people who, well, you know, does that thing. Waits until the moment of crisis to appeal to a higher power that they're not entirely certain even exists during calmer times. I don't care what Monica says, it's tacky. Argh. Is there a prayer for the sometime (but always sincere) agnostic?

You know, I wasn't in the same country with my nephew when he was born, and I don't think I truly appreciated the difference immediacy makes. This is just so *real*, you know? I've never even met this baby, and I'm -- we're -- already so damn attached to her.

Something's happening. Wish us luck.

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 22:32:23 GMT

So I caught one of my rare nights of t.v. recently, after my nephew went to sleep and I had a few hours to kill before his parents came home. Ooh, and my brother and s.i.l. recently reno'd their basement, and, OM(freaking)G, is this a luxury reno! I'd die of envy, except I get to house-sit when they go one their many international trips.

It's got a home theatre (by which, I mean projector and HUGE screen, surround sound, and it's all computer-controlled -- and yes, this means that playing an online game is not only possible but a surreal experience). The furniture invites you to never ever move again. It's got an actual playhouse for my nephew (yes, a playHOUSE; an entire room was built for it, complete with almost-child-sized door, windows, and it's own lighting; you haven't lived until your 3-year-old nephew explains the function of dimmers to you, LOL). It has an exercise area for the indoor workout stuff. It has a full 3-piece washroom that is nicer than most "main" washrooms I know. It has a mini-bar, with fridge, sink, storage, and room for an appliance if they decide they need a blender or microwave or something. There's an office area with computer and plenty of storage. There's a guest bedroom, which I predict my nephew will take over as a teenager -- hey, it's what *I* would do!

As it is, they may have a little trouble evicting me when they get home from their trip, heh heh heh ...

Sigh. And the thing is, normally? I'd be green with envy. It's petty, and I flatter myself that no one around me knows how jealous I am of the nice things in their lives, but I do try to be honest with myself. I know why I don't have a lot of these things, and I've accepted that it's going to take time. As it is, I know for a fact just how insanely hard my brother works to provide nice things for his family, and I can't bring myself to begrudge them this. He's also a lot older than I am, and when he was my age he wasn't much better off than I am now, so that gives me hope.

Lol ... I'd like to think that my lack of envy is evidence of growing maturity on my part, but truthfully, I think it's just that I've done a cost benefit analysis, and I think that, semi-subconsciously, I've decided that I'm just not willing to devote myself that totally to *any* job, no matter how much it pays.

Which is my cue to get off LJ and go ahead and post that application for that part-time job that I've had my eye on. Sigh.

Oh! But my original point: I caught part of this show called ... um ... Numbers, or something like that. I'm not entirely sure. But how's this for funny? Diane Farr is on the main cast, and Colin Hanks was a guest star. Whew! Talk about nostalgia. I almost felt the urge to revisit Roswell again! (Almost. It passed.) Oh, and there was another show on, and David Conrad was on that one! I'm not sure what show that was, but it looked like a take-off of that one Patricia Arquette is doing, something about seeing ghosts. But the important thing was that all these old familiar faces were on, and it was cool!

:D

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 18:18:30 GMT

Okay, so everyone (in HP fandom, at least) has seen at least a couple of those Hermione-makeover stories, right? You know the ones I mean, where she comes back from summer hols and is suddenly as physically beguiling as she is clever?

Right, those.

Well, Saturday Night Live went and immortalized this concept in a skit some night when Lindsay Lohan guest-starred. I can't be bothered to remember how to put a link in here properly, so I'll just say it's at http://www.whoomp.com/articles/182/1/Lindsay-Lohan-on-SNL and suggest you find it from there.

The ending's a little weak, but the Fred and George bit alone is worth the few seconds it takes to load.

Heh. Heh, I say.

:D

ETA: Well, that was convenient. About the linking thing, I mean. Must remember not to overthink such things in the future, LOL! Personally, I blame HTML for shaping my assumptions about web presentation.

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 15:33:28 GMT

Someone asked me recently how I, whose bookshelves are groaning under gritty police procedurals, murder mysteries, dark scif-fi/fantasy, modern American poetry, computer manuals, and, yes, history books, could rave about an author of total fluff. "How is it," she asked, "that you can make shelf space for these books when you don't even have a decent romance collection, only the stuff I give you. And," her eyes narrowed in sudden understanding, "I bet you only *pretend* to read those! Because they're gifts. You bitch."

"Hey, I've read them," I insisted. "Some of those sex scenes show some really, er, vivid imaginations. And it's always amusing to see how they'll get out of actually saying 'penis' during scenes where they figure rather, uh, prominently."

Then I hastily changed the subject.

"Besides, it's *good* fluff. It makes me laugh and I genuinely enjoy the world and the characters she's created. How often can you say that about the crap you read?"

Truthfully, the conversation deteriorated somewhat from there. I might have been a bit harsh, I admit, but then, she was insulting my Evanovich collection. Even *after* I showed her excerpts like this one:

Mooner the Eyewitness

"I was at Art's Carpets last week, contemplating a rug purchase. And you know how in the beginning you're thinking all the rugs are totally excellent, and then the more you look at them, the more they all start looking the same. And before you know it you're, like, rug hypnotized? And the next thing you know, you're taking a break, laying on the floor, chilling?"

~Evanovich, Janet. _Hot Six._ New York: St. Martin's Press, 2000. p. 185.

Bottom line, Stephanie's funny and surprisingly good as an inept bounty hunter, and, well, Morelli and Ranger are downright *hot*. Who says I don't have a romance collection?

Oh -- and my point is, I just finished reading JE's eleventh book, and I'm impressed with how well she's kept up the humour and the affection she obviously feels about her characters. How many authors can say the same?

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 03:53:25 GMT

So I'm listening to music, and it occurs to me: Dishwalla is an okay band.

Now, I don't know much about them, and until yesterday, I probably couldn't name any of their songs by name, off the top of my head. I'd heard of them, of course, and if memory served, I've enjoyed their music well enough in general, but I can't say they really stood out for me.

But tonight, I've suddenly noticed -- really noticed -- this one track, "Until I Wake" I think it's called. I think it's because I'm using a particularly good pair of headphones that does the lower registers justice, but, *man*.

So intense. It's brilliant, it really is.

Very cool.

:D

My family ... there's always something!

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 00:18:02 GMT

Congratulate me! I'm going to be an aunt again! My niece (according to the ultrasound tech, who wouldn't commit but seemed fairly confident) is due in January. Cool, n'est pas?

:D

The puppy was too much for my mom, so we found it a great home in the country. It's not as bad as it sounds, incidentally; we thought long and hard and did a lot of research and put the word out among family and friends, and I think we found the perfect solution. He went with a stable, childless couple who live on a huge parcel of land right on Lake Ontario when they're not wintering on their ranch in Montana. (It's beautiful; I'm actually mildly envious of the puppy, LOL!) They already have three large dogs but one is getting old and they we're looking for a puppy anyway. They even have a large-dog-trainer in the family and they're all quite competent in handling high-energy dogs that will be 110+ lbs when full grown.

See? Did my homework. I miss the little guy like crazy, but I'm satisfied that he has the best possible home. Also, we're family friends, so we get updates and pictures emailed to us and there's an open invitation to visit anytime.

Meanwhile, we're looking into possible options for my mother ... like maybe a mid-sized, fully-grown, already-trained dog that isn't quite as demanding. I'm already scoping out area pounds and SPCAs, just seeing what's out there. Wish us luck!

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 16:37:29 GMT

Well, I have no idea if this will load -- I'm on someone's computer, of course, and as it happens, it's part of a newly formed network that's having problems. I'm actually visiting to see if I can figure it out before they end up having to consult with actual professionals.

Anyone have any ideas about this?

Of three computers on a home wireless cable network, two are having a lot of problems loading web pages. One is connected by wireless, the other is linked directly into the router by the usual Ethernet/RJ45/Cat5/etcetera cord. The problem started a few days ago: some pages load, others don't, and browser windows often refuse to relaunch into new sites. I'm been checking every setting I can think of, gone through every tab under Internet Options, and everything looks pretty standard. Security settings, content settings, connections settings, advanced settings ... they all seem fine. Both computers are using Norton's Antivirus 2005, and I've checked to make sure a Windows firewall isn't interfering. I've run virus checks and spyware checks and defragged and lost the temp file caches, and these computers are cleaner than they've ever been. Both have plenty of memory and hard drive space available, too, and are handling offline work nicely.

I'm 99% sure, after going through every little diagnostic I could think of, that it's not a router/modem hardware problem. There's sending and receiving galore, steady connections all over the place, and the third computer seems just fine. I suspect it's a software or system problem, but I don't have anything more concrete than that. One computer recently installed a new printer driver, and for the hell of it I uninstalled/reinstalled it, but there was no change (not that I was expecting any). I've also tried using alternate browsers (IE, Firefox) but neither worked significantly better than the other. I've checked the WEP settings, which I'd rather not mess with if I don't have to, and they're high (128 bit encryption) but it doesn't seem to be slowing things down noticeably. Both of the wireless computers show an extremely strong connection and one of the problem comps isn't wireless anyway, so that doesn't seem to be it.

I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something obvious. I hope so. It costs an awful lot to get someone professional to look at these things, and I always prefer to know exactly what I'm asking of a consultant before doing business; I hate "surprise" bills.

Ah well, if anyone has any helpful suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Regardless, it feels good to try and articulate the problem. My mind feels much clearer. Sigh. Well, onwards and upwards.

Oh! I almost forgot. My reason for posting! LOL ... anyway, I was just thrilled, because the author of a story that someone had sent me actually knew the appropriate uses of the words "tack" and "tact" and used each accordingly. A beautiful thing!

:)

ETA: fixed it! Or at least, whatever it was I did in the last round of brainstorming/testing/tweaking seems to have worked. Or maybe whatever it was resolved itself. Either way ... whew. What a day.

On the plus side, I have a *full* hour to do online stuff. Email! Whoo hoo! Hi, everyone!

Hee.

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 19:24:10 GMT

Sometimes I seriously have to wonder. Lol ... for one thing, I get some precious time online, and, daunted by the email and other postphoned (and therefore guilt-inducing) communications a-waiting attention, I instead come to this little haven and am compelled to discuss something completely irrelevant and unproductive.

Hee.

Now, I've just finished HP and the Half-Blood Prince, and although I probably shouldn't be making such sweeping statements in the immediate afterglow, so to speak, I have to say that I think it was JKR's best one yet. I think it's the best written, the best edited, and I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish. JKR really hit her stride here, I think. Plus, Harry's really growing up, and in this book, you really start to see what makes him a hero. *Him*, not fate, not people choosing him or designating him or shaping him. And as much as it pains me, I think it was about time we got to see him as an individual, able to operate away and apart from his friends. I also admired certain other rather daring character developments, but I'll leave those alone because I already went and claimed that I wouldn't say anything plot-crucial here.

But still ... oh, man, I know people are going to be pissed at me for saying this, but ...

Suddenly I don't like Ginny.

Oh, I never really thought all that much of or about her; I admit it. I thought she was a plot device, mostly, a convenient one, and outside of canon I openly admit to preferring Hermione-centred fic anyway.

But this is the first time I'm consciously aware of actively disliking the girl.

What's wrong with me? I've gone back and re-read scenes of hers, and, taken objectively, her character has everything that I would normally admire in a strong female quasi-lead character. (A list can be made available, lol.) And the truth is, fic-preferences aside, I *want* to like her. I just ... don't.

I don't know. Maybe it's what I was saying before, that I feel like she's more of a plot device than a character. And even in (especially in) this book, she's one of sheer convenience. Maybe I get squicked because she resembles a sort of Lily-Potter-esqe kind of creature (ew; icky Freudian undertones!), but maybe it's because she's almost unbelievably well-suited for Harry. Her entire character development has been focused on becoming the perfect girl for him in just about every way imaginable (I dare anyone to find one aspect of her character or being that doesn't reflect this. I do. And I mean: *objectively*.) Or maybe it has something to do with how Harry sees her. Something about this really bothers me. Oddly, it may be that I feel that she deserves better, but I'm not entirely certain what I mean about that, so I'll leave it alone.

Lol ... okay, my time's just about up. And you know, I feel better! And maybe I just need to read the book a few more times. Wrap my head around it.

You think? ;D

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 04:41:07 GMT

Q: When is my computer like a piece of toast?
A: When it's fried.

... Sigh.

I hate borrowing comp time. It's so inconvenient. And limited. Dial-up limited, even. Still, on the plus side, I see someone emailed me a link to what might rank up there with the funniest gen SG1 fics of all time: Ketchup, by JAED (at http://sg1-heliopolis.com/archive/88/ketchup.html).

Oddly enough, this is lifting my spirits somewhat. Not much, as I have to be awake in 4 hours to get back on the road, but a little. Heh. Damn funny fic.

Sigh.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 05:26:44 GMT

A couple random thoughts ...

*I caught the opening monologue of SNL tonight, and, um, is it just me or does Liam Neeson dress to the left? (Hee)

**I love 80s music, I really do. It's actually over-representated in my personal music collection, if you can believe my friends. But surely I'm not the only person in the world to dislike and avoid Devo's "Whip It" with grim determination, am I? It's even tainted my worship of Swiffer dusters, sigh.

***There are plenty of serious, thought-provoking historically-themed songs out there -- "Ohio", "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", "Sink the Bismarck", "Goodnight Saigon", etc. -- but my vote for Funniest Pop Song Reinterpreting History goes to Boney M's "Rasputin" for making me laugh until it hurt! Hurt, I tell you! (Honourable Mention: "Rock Me Amadeus")

;D

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 16:59:07 GMT

Why is it that LiveJournal seems so stable, but I can't seem to log onto Yahoo? I've done every virus check I could think of, but I'm starting to worry there's something actally wrong with my computer. It *is* several years old, now that I think of it; about six or seven or thereabouts. I wonder ...

When my sister's computer hit six and started to go, the warning signs included a date/time thing that kept resetting itself incorrectly and a tendency to freeze up at the most inconvenient times. My date/clock seem fine, but I do seem to be having problems accessing a number of sites. I'm sure the answer is an obvious one, and maybe I'm just tired (been doing a *lot* of driving lately, and I admit my life isn't exactly what I would describe as anxiety-free), but I just can't think of what it might be. Argh! Like I wasn't far enough behind on email as it was!

*Sigh.*

Tue, 24 May 2005 08:11:49 GMT

Okay, I admit that I have a twisted sense of humour. Back when I was an undergrad and SNL was in its heyday (as far as I was concerned), I thought Jack Handey was funny as hell. But this? This is fandom funny! So I give you: Deep Fanfic Thoughts, by Jack Handey, as adapted by Valeria Fate:

http://www.certando.net/deepthoughts.html

lol ...

Go Mom!

Mon, 23 May 2005 04:14:48 GMT

So today I agreed to go with my brother and sister (and, it turned out, my sister-in-law and nephew) to go tape some swim meet of my mom's and my aunt's today. Not gracefully, you understand, but I agreed. They needed another driver.

Anyway, it turned out that their "little swim meet" was a national-level (internationally attended) Masters level swim championship. There were some serious world-class swimmers there, swimmers who do these things between Olympics, swimmers who have set and were setting world records ... there was even a ninety-one year old man who persevered and received a standing ovation when he managed to finish the lengths in his age group. There were actually only two in the group, I think; it was eighty and over, or something like that, but the fact that he finished at all was really something.

And wouldn't you know? My aunt got a bronze medal in her age group, and my mom -- MY MOM, ladies and gentlemen, won GOLD in hers. She's in her sixties, and her time was better than women half her age! Man, I was *floored*. I'd never really watched her swim before because pools aren't really my thing, but it was amazing. She's a frickin' powerhouse!

All told, it was pretty damn cool. I may have to stop teasing her about her recent addiction to Trailer Park Boys DVDs ... hee. Maybe not.

Wed, 11 May 2005 23:34:22 GMT

Okay, I realise it's juvenile and silly, but I was re-watching Upgrades (SG1, S4, I think it was), and there was that hilarious line about "protein cravings", and, well, am I the only one who thought that ficwriters would have a field day with that one? I thought it was suggestive as hell!

Then again, maybe I just need to get my mind out of the gutter, lol ...

Sat, 07 May 2005 14:53:11 GMT

I realised something today, and although it's the kind of thing that seems obvious in retrospect, since I'd never really thought about it this way before, it's kind of struck me as ... not profound, exactly, but something that I want to think about a little further, to articulate for myself this thing so that I can move on. Does that make any sense?

Lol, whatever. It's not like I've had any great philosophical insight, or anything. It's just one of those things that gets your attention and won't let go until you've worried it to death, you know?

(Like the word "much". I'm serious; do *not* overponder this word. That way lies madness. Consider yourself warned.)

Anyway, I was listening to the radio, and "Uninvited" by Alanis Morrissette came on, and I did the strangest thing. I turned off the radio and reflexively checked to see if anyone else was home or listening. And then I realised what I was doing, and stood there like an idiot, because what did it *matter* if anyone was?

This bothered me, until I figured out that "Uninvited" is on some subconscious list in my head as a "private" song, as music that I only listen to when alone, when trying to achieve some sort of focus, be it easing myself into sleep or indulging in some kind of moodiness. There are other songs on this list, of course, music I've "collected" over the years -- like "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, "Taking You Home" by Don Henley, "Love Don't Live Here Anymore" by Madonna, "We Belong" by Pat Benatar, "Slow Like Honey" by Fiona Apple, "I Believe in Love" by Dixie Chicks, "Engle" by Rammstein, "Ojos Asi" by Shakira, "Uhh Ahh" by BoyzIIMen, "Private Universe" by Crowded House, anything by Sarah McLachlan, "Crush" by Dave Matthews Band, "A Question of Lust" by Depeche Mode, "If You're Gone" by Matchbox 20, "Long Long Way to Go" by Phil Collins ... and so on. I won't list them all, lol, or even the ones I hold dearest to my heart, because I'm not inviting opinions on my moody music. They're usually power ballads, it's true, and 80s pop-rock is perhaps better represented on my moody-type mixes than I will ever openly admit, but my "private" collection also encompasses blues/jazz, some classic hard rock, a little R&B, and a few favoured classical composers. I don't think it's so easy to pin down what will be added to the mental collection, actually.

The funny thing is, I can go for weeks without listening to any of these types of songs. When I drive, I like something with a beat, something with lyrics I can join in on. When I'm on the subway, I like something that will keep me awake and gives me a little pocket of personal space in the midst of crowds. When I turn on the radio, I tune it to the Top-40s-type station with the best reception. And so on. Which isn't terribly radical, I suppose, except that I'm starting to wonder just what a person looks for in finding "private" music. Is there a particular key, or beat, or instrument combination, that appeals to a person, that makes them remember and want to listen to something in particular when in a given mood?

Huh. Anyway, "Uninvited" is over. I think they've even changed programmes in the time since I turned off the radio, because they're playing "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" -- ha! That one still cracks me up. Hee.

Thu, 05 May 2005 11:15:09 GMT

So I just finished Harker Moore's new book, A Mourning in Autumn (I think that's what it's called; it's turned over and just out of reach, so I can't remember, lol). Anyhow, I read it, and when I closed the cover, I realised two things, and no, I won't spoil the ending for anyone:

One, I like Moore's writing style. It's sparse, more visual than verbal, takes a little getting used to, and you have to trust that all the different threads are going to come together, and for the most part, they do. Very urban, slightly detached, plays with intimacy. You know what I mean.

And two, that for Moore, sex doesn't create life. For Moore, sex is intrinsically linked with death. I haven't read anything else by Moore and I don't know if it's a comment on society or something, but there it is, and I have examples but I won't use them to illustrate my point because ... sigh ... no-spoiler warning above. Oh, there's a lot of sex, and a lot of sexualizing of death (or would that be a pathological mortification of sexuality?), and there's even *rebirth* after death sometimes, but life ... ah, for life, first there must be death, either real or metaphysical or metaphorical.

I think. Lol ...I'm not sure whether I liked the book, actually, but it was an experience to read, and I respect that.

Wed, 04 May 2005 01:18:45 GMT

Okay, archivists get some seriously cool toys.

Like today -- I'm retrieving some files for this genealogical search I'm performing, right? And I need to access files from boxes on the top shelves of some dauntingly high stacks. Like, two-story-high stacks. And you know how I did it? That's right! Cool ladder thingy! It actually raises up so you can wheel it over, and when you step on it, settles down for stability. It's a freakin' portable staircase!

So very cool. Plus, the archives are in this seriously old building and an entire wing of closed stacks has *glass* floors. Floors! Of GLASS! You can see through the FLOORS! Above and below! That's both floor AND ceiling in some parts! Freakiest thing, I tell you. Freaky freaky freaky.

And very cool. Heh.

:D

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 04:54:00 GMT

Oh, good *lord*. It's like one of those "you know you've had too much to drink when ..." things, I know, but it actually happened.

When we returned home tonight, I thought I saw my cat. My black and white long haired cat that happens to live several hundred kilometres north of here with my sister while I'm in school. Yes, that cat. I miss my cat. And more to the point, she's not an outdoors cat. In my mind, I was thinking that I didn't want her to run off or get hurt.

Only, I just woke up to get some water, and I had a flashback, and ... and ... Sigh.

I'm awfully lucky that skunk wasn't in a bad mood!